Warning: Emo-post.
Teared just now, when was watching mfbbt.
Teared more after reading Ming's blog.
You won't want to continue what you are reading, people. Trust me.
Well, if you insist reading, there's nothing i could do.


First time.
i was just voicing out my opinion.
Cause i think that it's not fair for people who should get promoted but didn't get promoted.
I'm a quite fair person, if you really know me.
If until now, you cannot take my directness, what can i say?
Do you expect me to be like a hypocrite and say all the nice things to you which is not even true, when i don't even feel this way about you, i need to tell you that you are nice or whatever sweet humming words to your ears? i can only say, seriously i can't.
If you really feel that you shouldn't have got the rank, then i don't know why you should be angry.
Please don't expect me to say what _ (the person i hate) said.
"Oh, i don't think so lehs. i think HoMing is very capable of being a coporal."
Blah blah shit.
Know why i'm so direct? Cause i don't want to be a friend that only says good and untrue stuffs to you. Similarily, i don't want that kind of friends.
These kind of friends only want to get into your good books. Please, at least i showed you my truest self, not like some other hypocrites.
You may not accept this damn reason, you may think it's crap or shit, but i still have to say what i want to say.
i think that there's no point in a friendship when you don't show your true self and don't talk truthfully.
It's disgusting to know a friend that agrees to whatever i say, suck up to my every action and have no point of view.


Second and third time.
What, you think i never say Raidah ahs?
Get your facts right first.
i know i sound fierce, cause i'm angry at this third point.
The rest of the points i can accept but not this.
Cause i don't like to be framed, to be accused of something i didn't do. Like who likes, right?
i did say Raidah okays, cause i'm really angry at that point of time.
If you are chosen to go out with _ and when _ already have a girlfriend, another guy who likes you is in that place too, how would you feel when your close friends are volunteering _ out?
You tell me how would you feel lahs. Did you even think of why would i react like this in the first place anots?
You only thought of why would i raised my voice at you. Why would i say you. Why. Why. Why.
Tsk, i'm seriously pissed with this part.


Fourth time.
What the hell.
Yes, i was angry, but abit at that point of time.
Maybe i did scold you, cause i forgot.
But when you always wanted to pass by or sit with or go to _, did i give you a emo face and decline?
Maybe i did decline, but did i emo? i mean like, i tried to accompany you to _ whenever i can, even when i don't like to go to the tennis court. Except for the last time.
i don't want to talk about this anymore.
And i didn't want you to give in to me.
i amit that i like to force people unknowingly, but i didn't want you to give in to me.
And you are defitnitly not someone for me to scold.
If you don't like whatever i do, you can voice out.
i'm always welcomed.
You never voice out how you feel, you expect to know everything?
Yah, i'm god alright. i know every single stuff you are thinking and how are you feeling now. Right now.
You don't even want to tell me anything anymore, you expect me to know: Oh, you are feeling sad now, i shall not say harsh words. Like this?
Everytime i ask you, you feeling straight? Sad? Angry? Are you angry with me? You always shake your head.
Hide your feelings and expect me, the god, to know everything. Great.


What you did really hurt me alot. Until i don't even know what to do at that point of time.
i cannot go to anyone then, did you realise? No.
Where can i go except the guys? Nowhere else.
i almost wanted to tear when i saw your reaction towards his appearance.
Guess what was i thinking then?
i realised i'm nobody important to you. i'm that special friend you always mention, but i'm no more of that title. You never gave me those reactions whenever you see me. i felt like dying. What was my existence for? i was lost.
That was how i was feeling, for your information.
Thank you for letting me realise how not important i am in your life.
i seriously feel like ending my life now.
i'm sick of all the tears i've been shedding, but i just can't stop it now.
Now, i can't stop reading your post over and over again.


You mentioned that you don't have alot of people to turn to, very few people support you when you are down. And i have alot of people to turn to and alot of people are supporting me when i'm down.
Name me these alot. Name me. List all of them to me. List them all.
Do you know how hurt i feel when you send this message?
It really hurts, until i'm crying now.
i may have alot more friends than you, but can you tell me how many of them are really close to me? How many can i share my problems to?
Lisa left me.
i don't tell Daryl and Belinda everything, only a few. You can ask them.
Was Daryl or Belinda even here when i was down? No.
Lisa's incident already hurt me enough.
Tell me more people whom i can consult.
Who knows my problems and can encourage me when i'm down. Who can give me advices about what to do.
Who
i can only tell you, there's only you.
i've only have you, the one and only friend now that i've been sharing everything with.
Can you tell me who are the alot you were refering to?
But you.
Joy, JenYi, Daryl, Regina and maybe some others?
Tell me, with your mathematics, who have more?
i'm seriously damn hurt cause i really don't have alot of friends if you want to compare me with you.
They are friends, but not those that i can share my problems with.
You cut me deeply.

  ¶ 11:58 PM